The Stink Bug is back!
The much-anticipated sequel to “Diary of a Stink Bug” is here!
Thanks to all of you whose support helped make this Part 2 a reality!
Last week, after triumphantly traversing the Great Tiled Way, I saw that cute spider again. My stinkbug heart beat a little faster upon seeing her.
She had just spun a glorious web near the bathroom window and the silken threads of her masterpiece shone brilliantly in the sun.
The cute spider said hello to me, but she didn’t ask me out this time…
Perhaps she’s been creeping around with another bug since meeting me last week?
The cute spider explained to me today that no one ever catches her because she’s swift on her feet (I would be too if I had 8 legs).
Her confidence, along with her creativity, really impressed me.
She told me that tomorrow, she’ll be visiting her parents in Pittsburgh and would be away for the day.
I can’t wait until she comes back…I promised myself I would ask her out then.
I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking of the cute spider.
Those eyes…Those legs…That silky web…
I got to thinking that surely the cute spider was out of my league…She wouldn’t want to be with a bumbling bug like me.
So I decided to erase all traces of my “stinkbugness”.
While the cute spider was away, I studied everything there is to know about bugs that are far more cooler than me.
Wasps, fire ants, horned beetles…
I mimicked their powerful stance and their stinging glance.
I even thought to call myself Pentatomidae, my Greek name from entomology because it’s far more exotic-sounding than “stinkbug”.
Thursday, 12 noon
The cute spider will arrive back to the apartment later on tonight. This is my big chance to ask her out.
I perfected the aloof yet cunning “bad bug” attitude that I’ve been practicing in the bathroom mirror. I topped it all off by dipping my feet into a bottle of cologne that was left opened on the sink.
This stinkbug surely won’t be seen looking (or smelling) like one.
The cute spider got back to the apartment yesterday around midnight.
Inside of me, I was thrilled to see her again…but on the outside, I acted cool.
I didn’t give her an ounce of attention (You know, kind of like a hornet or a millipede would do in the same situation).
The cute spider said that there was something unusual about me and abruptly left before I could say a word…
I felt squashed inside.
Saturday, 1 pm
After yesterday’s disastrous rejection, I rinsed off the traces of Old Spice left between my toes and crawled back into my usual position on the bathroom floor.
The cute spider didn’t come around this morning.
I knew it.
She was turned off by my pure “stinkbugness”.
I realized that there is no amount of cologne in the world that could simply wash it all away.
The cute spider made an unexpected visit to the bathroom tonight and caught me off guard with a piece of dental floss stuck between my teeth and remnants of toothpaste in the corners of my mouth.
Cool, real cool…
She said that before she left for Pittsburgh, I was a different kind of bug.
She said that I made her smile with the goofy way I bumped into things and with the clunky way I walked.
She said that she appreciated how I never noticed any imperfections in her web design…and how I never remarked about her hairy legs.
She said she could be herself around me and she liked that.
No bigwig earwig could ever make her feel the same way.
But she said that now, I’ve changed.
Since I had erased all evidence of my “stinkbugness”, the cute spider wasn’t interested in me anymore.
I blew it.
So in a last ditch effort to win her love, I traveled around the bathroom as goofily and as clunkily as I knew how.
I was desperate to regain the “stinkbugness” in me that I had previously hidden from the cute spider.
And I didn’t even notice the “petit stink” that escaped from me as I accidentally crashed into the glass shower door and landed straight into a mound of tissues in the wastebasket.
Cool, real cool…
The cute spider rushed towards me to see if I was ok. She threw her 8 legs around me and hugged as tightly as she could.
She didn’t let go…
And neither did I…